over 3 weeks since my dad died now. feels like yesterday.. 8 days since the funeral. i just really want to thank all the people who showed up in church, sent flowers and everything. its just so good to see all the people who cared so much about dad. it feels nice that he had so many people and friends that came to take the last goodbye. im sure he was there and saw it all. all the tears that fell for him, i just... off wish i could just open my eyes, lying in my bed and say that all this have just been a terrible nightmare. cus i cant actually understand that this has happened. that dad is never going to be here again. never shall i see the good brown eyes smile at me again. or hear him say, "hey my girl" when he sees me. this is so difficult. i miss him every day, every hour, every minute. all the time. is it possible that this is happening? not my dad, its just not happening. why should we feel a pain so bad as this?
my friend told me that God is picking the most beautiful flowers first. why cant he just let them be, so people can watch them a littlebit longer. keep them for a bit longer. its so not fair. i really just wanna see his face and hear his voice one more time. i dont wish for anything else this christmas. but its a wish that can never come ture. and i hate it.. i really HATE it.. :'( but one day.. i will see him again, i hope.. and then i will never let him leave again! never..
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